TRAVEL PLANS:

FLEXIBLE AND CONTINGENT

Mary B. encourages her clients to always have a back-up plan in mind when traveling, should one or more problem arise .  Your plan should include alternative methods of getting to your destination via trams, buses, taxis, bicycles or even more unconventional methods.  Additional funds will be necessary, outlined below, to continue your journey if your plans are compromised.  Commercial trams or shuttles are excellent means of connecting airports with bus depots when a missed airplane requires alternative transportation systems. They are perfect for short, port to port, transportation of itinerarychallenged people.  Transportation by bus is another excellent way to broaden your multicultural, multiethnic and socioeconomic horizons due to the snug seating arrangements, diverse assortment of passengers and opportunities for fully developing a more complete portfolio of interpersonal skills.  Taxi cabs can be utilized at your final destination to "get up to speed" with all the local news; and English spoken with an indecipherable accent may be difficult to interpret, but interesting and challenging.

Traveling can't get better than this!

NOW BOARDING ROWS 91 THRU 110

Certain airlines are changing procedures and boarding passes will no longer be numbered in groups of 30. Each passenger will be issued a boarding pass grouped by the letters  A, B, or C (in that order).  Not to worry if you are unfortunate enough to have received boarding pass group C.  Travelers with children under two years of age are permitted to board early to have plenty of time to buckle up their babies.  Or, if the little bundles of joy meet the carry-on bag dimensions to 10x16x24 inches, to stow the little buggers under the seat.  However, Mary B's helpful hint #105 suggests that if you don't have one of those whiny, tooth-cutting rugrats of your own, scope out the waiting area for a frazzled mother with a couple of these little darlings and offer to help her during the early boarding thus getting you onto the aircraft ahead of all those other passengers who arrived two hours prior to departure time. 

Keep in mind that current FAA regulations require any child who has reached his or her second birthday to occupy his or her own seat.  Airport personnel must ensure compliance with this regulation, so be sure to bring along a copy of your baby's birth certificate for age verification or, alternatively  your pet's vaccination record from the vet, which might be accepted if the airline agent is operating under time pressure as is often the case.

Also, if there are no toddlers available, look for some old geezer or biddy who appears as though he or she needs help and drag the old codger or fussbudget up the ramp while explaining to the airline personnel that your old uncle or auntie has become so senile that he/she doesn't recognize you anymore and really doesn't understand the necessity of your assistance onto the plane.  Then, after securing your by-then discombobulated unwilling hostage into the aft section, you can find your own seat in the front of the mostly empty cabin. Mary B. recommends taking a seat well distant from the old coot to ensure that the matter can be quickly put out of mind and makes for a hasty disembarking at your final destination.

  4 X 1 = 1

A family of 4 can fly as cheaply as 1.  Domestic airlines allow three (3) free pieces of checked luggage foreach ticketed passenger.  Most preschoolers will comfortably fit inside the average suitcase (garment bags are not intended for this purpose but fabric on suitcases must be porous or air holes must be drilled) during a flight of four hours of less.  Mary B. highly recommends using the curbside luggage drop off as the most efficient way to get the bagged well-sedated kiddies off to Grandma's house.  Always include Granny's address and telephone number on your luggage tag to insure glitch free transport . Don't forget to tip the baggage handlers well for their assistance in order to avoid possible questions that could frustrate your plans.

MARY B'S TRAVEL TIP 37:

LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT

Mary B. does not recommend taking more than $0.25 in currency or traveler's checks while traveling.  Cash can be lost or stolen.  Travelers checks may be difficult to exchange outside of banking hours and on weekends. Instead, Mary B. prefers and heartily counsels the use of wire transfers. Why bring more money than you'll immediately need? Better to wait until you know how much you need after arriving and simply call your friends or loved ones collect (more on this later) to arrange wire transfer of funds.  You'll get the money you want when you need it - not a minute before.  And you'll find out which of your relatives and friends really care for you by whether they are willing to send you the money you ask for while paying from their own pockets the 20% or more transfer fees.

BUDDY LISTS

Prior to departing from your home, Mary B's Technique # 48 instructs you create a buddy list.  The list includes important information, including addresses and telephone numbers of people who may help you if you run into problems during your travel.

The names can be listed alphabetically or according to relationship (e.g. the "B" category might contain the names and telephone numbers of brother, barber, bartender or bail bondsman.)

FORGET THE 5 CENT A

MINUTE PHONE CARDS

Have you ever had a crook look over your shoulder and steal your pin code from your prepaid telephone calling card?  Using Mary B's Guide, Rule 24, it is more reliable to contact the names on your buddy list (see Mary B's Technique # 48, above) using collect calls.  First, there will be no need to have handfuls of coins (a problem going through airport security).

Second, by accepting your collect call you'll find out who your real friends are.  You should also reduce the number of names on your buddy list if a collect call is rejected, which will free up more space for new friends you meet along the way.

MARY B's TIPS:

 SNACK ATTACK or MEAL DEAL

Mary B. has noticed in her own recent trips that most of the airlines are getting cheaper in the meals and snacks provided to their passengers.  Take note of these Snack and Meal  Tips and you can't go wrong.

Snacks: Ask your flight attendant for extra snacks or beverages so that you'll still have some after everyone else has finished theirs.  If your flight attendant refuses your request, then as soon as the pilot has turned off the "fasten seat belt sign" move about the plane asking your fellow passengers if they will share their snacks with you. After a few minutes, nine out of ten flight attendants will be at your seat with more snacks and, usually drinks to boot.

Meals: Many airlines serve meals only on their longer routes.  Mary B. suggests that prior to boarding you ask what the meal will be.  If you are told that no meal will be served, take the ticketing agent aside and quietly explain that your particular health problems require that you be able to have freshly prepared meals in order to prevent uncontrollable  flatulence. Then you'll get more than pretzels and peanuts.